For The Emotions And ALL Of The Feels.
Becoming a parent is a serious gauntlet of emotions.
Let’s start with the first one:
It’s constant, from the moment you decide to start a family, you worry about getting pregnant then there’s those 21 days of waiting to find out if your pregnant. The shit I googled from when we decided to start a family, I sat for two hours on Baby Centre looking at OTHER PEOPLES pregnancy test, reading comments from other randomers giving their thoughts on if there was a line or not. Which brings us to the peeing on a stick fear. If you’re trying to having a baby the fear of one line or Not Pregnant. But when you get that positive result, after the sheer joy and excitement in creeps the fear and so it begins, fear of loosing the baby, something being wrong, labour, birth, parenthood.
That fear moves into all the lovely worry that comes with infants, babies, toddlers, kids, teens….
Current fear? Sharp corners, Hannah’s trying to walk, she keeps falling over. I keep loosing my life. Oisin keeps taking the clever Mamma foam guard off the fireplace, Hannah in turn tries to eat them. Give. Me. Strength.
Welcome to parenthood.
If my two year old can get his tiny gorgeous chubbie little hands on it, he’ll have it broken, destroyed or smeared in a matter of moments. My Nima brushes for “painting” the toilet, his toys are like the ones from the Playgroup in Toy STORY 3.
When they’re not wrecking your stuff, they’re wrecking your head.
“Ois stop climbing, don’t write on the walls, that’s Hannah’s dodie, don’t jump on your sister, can you put that down, leave it alone, please can you just sit into your seat, what’s wrong with the fish fishfingers that you were hysterical about having for lunch? Oh you’re hysterical because you don’t want them now, great!”
It’s just part of the gig. Even if your kids sleep all night it’s still non stop.If you have older ones, there’s so many activities. They’ve a schedule to challenge The Queens social engagements.
“Wednesday 14th March 2018?? Let me see.
No, sorry we’re not free. He’s advanced toddler yoga trainer camp that afternoon.”
I can’t remember what I was going to write here.
OLD PANTS – NEW CLOTHES
This isn’t an emotion as such, but it hurts my feeling that I have pants older than my kids. Seriously, I still have underwear I had BEFORE I had Oisin, THREE years ago. Ois and Hannah have a rigout for literally any possible occasion. Seriously, if they got called to a black tie event, both could muster up a full outfit. Meanwhile, I tell myself weekly I need to get to M&S to restock my pants.
You will spend your like negotiating everything.
“If you just sit there for five minutes and let Denise cut your hair, I’ll buy you an ice cream”
“I’ll give you chocolate if you just take your antibiotic and you can’t spit it out, that doesn’t count”
“If you give me 2 minutes to go and wee we’ll play making tents, okay?”
The negotiation skills go up a level with age, I’m still on level two but he drives a hard bargain.
As soppy as it sounds along with everything else they bring an overwhelming love for someone you had no idea you were capable of. I stood and watch Oisin sing in the garden the other day and wished I could freeze time, I remember the survival days and the days when I felt like I failed as a parent so to see him now a busy little toddler, who has conversations and a brilliant funny personality, I want him to stay as innocent forever and more to the point at home with me so no one can ever hurt his feelings. That’s the thing with these kids of ours, you’d go to hell and back to make sure then never have a sad day or have to face any adversity.
Honestly, I can’t explain it. Even after the worse day or longest night, it’s the smallest thing – When you find yourself in the car, sometimes alone exclaiming out loud “LOOK ITS A DIGGER” and laugh out loud. Maybe it when they pat your back when they hug you or as they drift off to sleep tell you they love you. They just do something to your heart. It changes forever and I can’t thank either of my kids enough for that.